We’ve all heard the phrase “forgive and forget”. However, “forgive and forget” is not in the Bible, God never said we are to forgive and forget. But, there are many bible verses commanding us to “forgive one another” (Ephesians 4:32). A believer who is not willing to forgive others will frustrate his relationship with God. (Matthew 6:15) Unforgiveness can produce bitterness and a loss of reward (Hebrews 12:14–15.). So beleivers’ must forgive and walk righteously.
Forgiveness is a decision we make. God commands us to forgive, it’s His will. It’s a conscious choice to obey God and forgive the offender and bring no charge against the wrongdoer. We forgive for the sake of Christ. The offender may not want to be forgiven and may never change, but that doesn’t change God’s command that we have a forgiving spirit (Matthew 5:44). Ideally, the offender will repent, change his mind, but if not, the one wronged can still be determined to forgive.
God Remembers Our Sins No More
We cannot really forget sins that others have committed against us. A sound mind cannot selectively delete events from our memory; nor is it wise.
The bible says many times that God will “remember our sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12), (Isaiah 43:25). Today’s false teachers love to teach that as a license to sin. or say sin is ok. But, the whole truth is God is all-knowing and will judge everyone according to what “we have said anddone, whether good or bad” (Matthew 12:36), (2 Corinthians 5:10). God remembers that we have “sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). God has already forgiven believers. We are positionally or judicially justified. If we belong to Him by faith in Jesus Christ, God does not condemn us for our sins (Romans 8:1). In that sense, God forgives and forgets. However, believers should remember that at the end, God will judge us based on our actions. “We will harvest what we sow ” Proverbs 22:8.
Believers will be Judged Too
Yes, our sins are legally forgiven and, God does not hold them against us. nor will He condem us. As His children, He will still judge us. The Bible says in (2 Corinthians 5:10) that all of the believers’ “actions good or bad” will be tried by fire. There will be believers who, at the judgment, who are going to be saved but lose any eternal reward, “They shall suffer loss” 1 Corinthians 3:15.
Forgiving Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Forgetting
If “forgive and forget” means, “You will act as if the sin had never occurred and live as if you don’t remember it,” then you can run into trouble. A rape victim can choose to forgive the rapist, but that does not mean she should forget or act as if that sin had never happened. Spending time alone with the rapist, especially if he is unrepentant, is not what scripture teaches.
Forgiveness is about letting go of anger towards someone, and as much as possibe forget. We are called to forget what is behind and press on to what God has called us to do Phillipians 3:13. It doesn’t mean you can trust or restore the offender. It is wise to take the necessary steps to protect your faith, and sometimes relationships will have to change. “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it” (Proverbs 22:3).
Jesus told us to “be as wise as snakes and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). He said that is how we are to be with the world or keeping company with unrepentant sinners. We must be “innocent” (willing to forgive) yet at the same time “wise” (being cautious) Ephesians 5:11. “Don’t stand in the way of sinners” Psalms 1:1.
Rebuke Forgive and Hopefully Repent
In the past I had to rebuke 2 brothers whom I thought were friends. One for being a greedy liar and thief twisting the words of God to steal from the simple and ignorant 2 Timothy 3:6. He remains Unrepentant today. Without repentance or change of mind about his sins, he is not to be trusted or restored. God tells us to “mark them and avoid association with them” and perhaps they will be “shamed into repentance” (Romans 16:17, 2 Thessalonians 3:14).
Therefore I must warn all to be on guard against his kind, the deceivers they “are prowling around like ravenous wolves seeking their own” Matthew 7:15. You only have to ask yourself; would Jesus associate with his kind one who stole in the name of Christ, without repenting? Judas. Unrepentance and pride will harden your heart, “God resists the proud” James 4:6.
Forgive Not Forget
The other was a close friend who called me, on his day of idolatry; the day when his dead idol is worshiped. One morning I answered the phone and this friend, being consumed by his idol, began screaming and cursing me in honor of his idol. For many decades, he and I were very close friends, even my best friend in this world–until that day. I was deeply hurt, saddened and astonished but I remained calm and cool only saying goodbye and I love you. There was a third party present on speaker phone.
We have no excuse. We cannot allow anything or anyone rise above what God has call righteous or true. The scriptures have warned us that demons are behind idolatry, and that’s what I heard in that call. In the last days, ”people will follow what demons teach” and sacrifice to them (Deuteronomy 32:17, 1 Timothy 4:1, 1 Corinthians 10:20). I called him the next day to warn him. He denied calling me or what he had said to me. He said he wasn’t drunk. That showed me the depth of his idol’s hold on him, he didn’t readily remember. I said unless he repents, we could no longer be friends. First I told him I forgive him. Then I carefully reminded him of the truth by showing him the telephone evidence and of the third party being present as well. I talked to him about the severity of his sin against God.
Result of Unrepentance
While no longer in denial, he still would not change his heart and mind, preferring to continue in giving himself to his idol. Much to my surprise and hurt, he silently chose his dead idol over repentance to God and our decades long friendship. I agonized over his decision. I love him and forgive him , but without confession I cannot restore him. I love God more than myself and I will walk with Him. I can only hope that he one day repents. Unrepentance will often lead to more sin to protect the evil mindset. I choose to walk and do as God has called me. Charles Stanley often said, “Obey God and leave the consequences to Him”.
Distance Yourself from Believers Who Walk in Sin
While the above is about my personal relationships the bible is clear. If a believer is rebuked and refuses to change his mind then we are: “not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.” 1 Corinthians 5:11. The bible is very clear in dealing with unrepentant or habitual sin. The bible contains the words of life and we are suppose to live by every word of God. Matthew 4:4
Modern Idolatry is prolific today, even churches accommodate them in their services. Some believers will hold the object of their affection right next to God in their hearts and minds. It’s so commonplace most folks don’t realize what they are doing or saying to God. Some believers don’t care or don’t know what God has said, “His name is Jealous, He is a jealous God” Exodus 34:14. It’s all about relationship; your relationship with God. Of course I will and do associate and love those who sin and some walk in their sins. However I do not call them friends or have a close relationship with them.
Summary
“Love keeps no record”, is not in the King James Bible (1 Corinthians 13:5). Not remembering who, killed or destroyed a loved one, is not wise and can be understandable. Yet we must forgive them and not take vengence, and not treat as an enemy. (Romans 12:19). If they are a brother we are called to love them by admonishing them in hopes of their change of mind or be ashamed (2 Thessalonians 14,15). True repentance by the offender of the sin and the offended forgives and forgets is the ideal. Forgetting can be accomplished over time but in the meantime we can act as if it never occured; especially so if the offender repents.
Scripture says true repentance will result in a change of actions (Luke 3:8–14; Acts 3:19) love thinks no evil (1 Corinthians 13:5) and love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). However, changing hearts is God’s business, and, until an offender has a true, supernatural heart change, it is wise to limit the trust one places in the unrepentant person. Keeping a safe distance doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven.